Why No, I Don’t Want To See Your Dick

Thanks for asking.

Image for post
Photo by Charles Ov on Unsplash

Lux Alptraum wrote this week that she hopes Artificial Intelligence can find a way to automate dick pics away. A couple of men who responded either don’t see it as a problem, or don’t believe the problem exists at all. Perhaps that’s because men don’t send other cis gender, straight men unsolicited dick pics.

That’s the only thing that can explain the guy who called the story “dumb,” says it doesn’t happen, and if it does it’s not the norm. He then goes on to suggest that Lux Alptraum should just delete and block, and, “consider your life values” if this (unsolicited dick pics) affects her significantly. He doesn’t make it clear what life values Lux Alptraum should examine. Does he think she is too prudish, and should just say to herself, “Ho Hum, another dick pic. Delete, block and lie back and think about England?” Or perhaps he thinks her Twitter account is too provocative, and men can’t help but send dick pics to her Inbox. The name Inbox is pretty darned provocative itself. She’s obviously asking for it.

Dear Dick Pic Sender,

It doesn’t matter if it is called an Inbox. It is not your Inbox to insert into it any damned thing that pops into your head, or in this case, hand.

Dear Derpy Playz,

Does that name even exist IRL? Simply blocking the sender does not erase the initial shock of seeing a penis totally unrelated to it’s owner, and rising unbidden through the internet to a woman’s Inbox. Believe me, this does happen. Over and over and over. On Twitter and on every dating site. I even had one guy send one to me after I texted to his number thinking it was someone I knew. It wasn’t, and he, a total stranger, thought it would be fun or productive to text me a pic of him naked holding his long dick. It’s impossible to delete that and block the guy quickly enough to unsee it.

Image for post
Photo by Tim Cooper on Unsplash

And then there is the responder who doesn’t see it as a problem, or rather doesn’t see it as abuse, because no one feels sorry for him for receiving (I presume) unsolicited pics of female genitalia. I can only guess that he has innured himself to such sights through years of looking at women’s genitalia in porn and popular men’s magazines. He can simply delete and block with a dismissive bored sigh. Good for him.

Some of us, until this activity became prevalent (and prevalent it is, Derpy Playz), had only seen the penises of our lovers. And we were good with that. It may even have been initially shocking to receive an unsolicited pic of a dick attached to a man we were in love/lust with in person. And then it was kind of sexy fun, because we could picture and remember the owner of said dick, and what he and we had done with it.

There is no initial shock if we requested the dick pic in the first place, from our lover. This is sexting at it’s best.

An unsolicited dick pic from a man we have never met does not elicit fond memories. In fact, if it elicits memories at all, they may very well be traumatic ones.

The first penis I saw was my father’s, and while this accidental viewing wasn’t exactly traumatic, it was quite unsettling. A few years later, when I saw the penis of the man I was going to marry, it was a circumcised one, not at all like the first one I had seen. It was confusing. However, I became quite fond of it during our time together. When we had to be apart for any length of time, It never occurred to him to take a pic of it back in the stone ages of bulky cameras. Not even with a polaroid. And sending it through snail mail to me would have been awkward if not possibly illegal.

Image for post
Photo by Johathan Pielmeyer on Unsplash

I’ve seen my fair share of the real thing since. And yet, every time I see an unsolicited one, I’m a little shaken. And I’m a grown, experienced, sex-positive therapist. I was a lot shaken the first time I was sent a pic by an unknown guy who was obviously masturbating. It felt like an assault. And that’s the problem with the dick pic’s. Since the pics are unsolicited, they may be sparking a traumatic memory of rape or molestation in the receiver. Or the receiver may be underage. Or, maybe, she is someone like me who prefers to see your dick after I’ve seen your face and the rest of you, and- here’s a novel idea- gotten to know you.

Psychotherapist, Hypnotherapist. Leans Left. Mindfulness practioner before it was cool. M.Ed., LPC. Carolsantafe93@gmail.com. Www.Newsbreak.com/@c/561037

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store