This. After decades of having a myriad of feelings toward my first love, I realize this is what I have sought most. We are “friends” of a sort, and tried dating again once. Nothing changed, except me. I grew as a person and now, from reading this, am finally clear that what I want is to simply know that overall, I was a good experience for him. Yes, that is selfish. I can give that validation to myself without burdening him.