Hint: They aren’t Yield, Exit, or Under Construction
I have written lately about Bad Men and Good Men. We know there are Good Women and Bad Women as well, and we know that all absolutes are absolutely inaccurate. However, there are people who are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Or in no clothing, depending on the circumstances. But without getting into the whole “Do we sleep together on the first date, and what does it mean if we do or don’t” arena, let’s look at some signs of being ready for a relationship.
Men ready for a relationship give you clear directional signs. They aren’t secretive, purposefully confusing, or misdirecting. They have determined what they want in a relationship and are clear about it to the best of their ability. What they want may change, but when it does, they are clear with you at each milestone in the relationship. It isn’t necessary to keep consulting outside maps to figure out where the two of you are going. And you have the responsibility of clarifying your own destination along the way with him as well.
Men ready for a relationship enter the On Ramp up to speed. They don’t start and stop, or try to back off the on ramp once committed. Starting and stopping and backing off the on ramp are reckless behaviors that cause collisions. Don’t be the person blithely following someone who can’t or won’t make up his mind.
Men who are ready for relationship do not Exit suddenly and without signaling. They don’t ghost you in text or in real life. When they are exiting, they do it cleanly. They signal and explain to the best of their of ability. It takes emotional courage to be honest about feelings, issues, and obstacles.
Men who are ready for a relationship will be introspective and willing to grow, but they will not be Under Construction. We are all self-actualizing in one way or another throughout life. However, when I picture Under Construction, I picture barriers, the need to wear a hard hat so things don’t fall on your head, inconvenience, and not knowing if the finished project will provide safety, shelter and/or more access. It’s also hard to know how long an extensive construction can take. And THEY, not YOU are the General Contractor.
Men who are ready for a relationship Do Not Park. It may seem that someone who wants to spend all their free time with you, and even move in with you early in the relationship are ready. They aren’t. They are insecure, dependent, often jealous, and in need of constant support, emotionally, financially or both.
Men that are emotionally unavailable May Appear Closer Than They Are. It’s called bread crumbing. They come on strong at first, and convince you they are in love, or at least extremely interested. Once you decide you may actually like them, too, they back away. If you chase, you will only see their tail lights. If you pull off and stop the chase, they will come roaring back. Or at least, they will do the occasional drive by to see if you still care.
Men who are emotionally available May Appear Farther Than They Are. This is because they are not insecure, jealous or dependent. They are fully functioning people in their own right. They have jobs and friends and interests. They enjoy your company, and want to see and contribute to what can develop between you. But they won’t text every hour, or even always be able to respond immediately to your texts. When they do text, call, and respond, you aren’t carrying the entire conversation. You will have a healthy back and forth with them, and there will be a level of trust between you that makes constant contact unnecessary. Unlike ghosters and bread crumbers though, they do communicate.
So avoid the Roundabouts and the Passing Lanes. Look with Caution for the Green Light, and then proceed. And while you are at it, take turns driving while the other relaxes and enjoys the view. The destination is the same and you may enjoy the journey more.