The Sh** Google Thinks We’re Looking For
WTF?
I am a psychotherapist, and a sex positive counselor. As you might imagine, my Google searches are varied, but they aren’t nearly as varied as Google thinks they should be.
A recent search on BDSM behavior pulled up “Behavior Modification-Submissive Feminist.” As intriguing as that may sound, it was off the beaten track from what I needed (pun intended), and was a rabbit hole I did not have time to go down, although I did bookmark it. I have to know if that is some male fantasy of taming the feminist, as in “Taming of the Shrew,” or a feminist take on enjoying being submissive in certain, highly defined situations.
Granted, that wasn’t so far off the track. How about “girl names for cats?” The first listing is for “Girls Incarcerated.” Back in the day, that would have been a sensationalized B movie. Now it’s a TV series. And got me no closer to naming my new adopted kitten. Although, of the characters’ names, Aberegg, Stokes, and Rose, I guess Rosy could work.
When I googled “Curing Iron Skillets,” I was being very specific, and indeed, that topic was first. Followed by “Curing Zombie Villager” and “Curing a Hangover.” I didn’t check to see if either of those required covering the zombie or formerly drunk person with oil and baking them in the oven, but I presume not. At least not in the case of the person with the hangover. Who knows with zombies. That could be useful information during the Zombie Apocalypse.
When looking for “plush,” as in plush toys, Google gave me plus size clothing, plus size dresses, plus size swimwear, and plus size bathing suits. Thanks a lot Google. You are hereby invited out of my closet. Geez.
As a writer, I look up words regularly. While searching “peccadillo,” I was given “Peccadillo Pictures.” They are the most recognized name in LGBTQ and art films in the UK, which is something I can share with some of my clients.
So, maybe Google isn’t so arbitrary after all. It sometimes divines information I can use that I didn’t even know I needed. And that will be fine, as long as Google stops implying that I need taming and that I am fat. Or I may just switch to DuckDuckGo. Take that, Google.
