So You Like Older Women?

This is what you need to know

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photo by Daryn Stumbaugh on Unsplash

We like you, too. And we like that you like us. Here are some pointers on how to take that liking a little further.

First, unless you are 20 years younger than we are (it happens. The president of France is a perfect example), don’t say to us, “It’s cool, I like older women.” For so many reasons.

Not the least of which is some men fetishize older women. Lately, it seems a lot of them do. Being fetishized isn’t always a deal breaker, but often it is. As in, when we are wanting a relationship, romance, an intelligent conversation, or to be known as anything more than a fetish.

Does that sound harsh? I don’t really mean to be. We women of a certain age have spent a lot of our lives as one type of fetish or another. The innocent, wide-eyed young thing, the ingenue, the MILF. And now, Mrs. Robinson. (That’s a reference to the movie the Graduate, where the bride’s mother has sex with the groom. See how old I am?) We. Are. Done. (And possibly, some of us anyway, or maybe just me, are the least bit cranky.)

Of course, I can’t speak for ALL older women.

Still, here are some clues to winning her head or heart, just in case you come across one who wants more than a one night stand. That’s a different article to come. (Yes, I can be a tease).

I always say I am not a cougar if the rabbits are chasing me. Therefore, since you are, in fact, coming after me, please refrain from calling me a cougar. Mama’s claws will come out, and not necessarily in a fun way. Tell us we are attractive, funny, smart, or all of the above.

If you actually do have mommy issues, say so up front. Or at least by the second or third date. That way we know what we are dealing with and don’t have to guess. As a bonus to us both, we can then decide whether we want to play or pass.

Did I say dates? Why, yes, I did. If you’re ashamed to be seen in public with us, that’s a pretty sure sign you see us as a fetish. Real people go on real dates. And that doesn’t mean we won’t take you out, or split the bill, or even cook for you, mommy issues aside. Just don’t hide us.

You are obviously intelligent, since you are willing to see us as more than a fetish. Engage us in conversation. The brain is the biggest sexual organ, not the penis. If you need conversation starters, ask what we are interested in, and google it.

As Dave Chappell so poignantly said, “You have to Google shit I lived through!”

And feel free to tell us about what interests you. If you are in our life, that means we want to stay current.

Don’t expect us to be grateful. Do expect us to appreciate your attention and you as a person. We are not sitting home waiting for you to rescue us. We are out doing our thing, with friends or alone. That’s how you spotted us, if it wasn’t online. We do very much appreciate your interest in us, your humor, self-confidence and enthusiasm. Give us the chance to show our appreciation.

Of course, we understand that even when you engage our heads and hearts, any male/female connection that isn’t pure friendship (and, yes, those do exist) is ultimately about sex. We are okay with that. We like sex, too. A lot. However, there’s some stuff you might want to know.

Understand that, as we are not the fetishized older women of Memes, stories, porn or American Pie, we may not have our original flexibility or lubrication. You will need to adapt to our specific needs. But no need to fear. We will help you. You bring the condoms and the wine. We will either have lube available, or we will be on hormone replacement therapy so we can still lubricate. Or both. Many of us do yoga. We can still manage most positions, but most importantly, we know which ones work best for us.

Still, we aren’t going to jump straight into bed and go at it, even as a fetish or one-night stand. Our bodies require stimulation. Actually, all women’s bodies respond well to foreplay, but we may require more. Take your time. Warm us up. Tease us and let us tease you. Plan to spend some quantity and quality time in our beds.

Again, make love to our minds, as well as our bodies. There is a lot of value in all this knowledge we’ve gained over the years. Let us share it with you, and there is no limit to where we can take you.

Psychotherapist, Hypnotherapist. Leans Left. Mindfulness practioner before it was cool. M.Ed., LPC.

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