Random Thoughts From My Wandering Brain To Yours
I practice Mindfulness. My brain, not so much. It’s a practice I started in my teens, so you would think I would be pretty good by now. You would be partially right. I probably average Mindfulness 30% of the day. On a good day.
But Mindfulness is not what this is about. This is about the random stuff our errant minds conjure constantly. Mindfulness is how we “stop” the internal, infernal, eternal chatter.
- When are you going to work on your screenplay? I don’t know. Leave me alone. ( notice there are two voices chiming in here. Only two is a good day.) Lets write a silly Medium post instead? What the hell. Go ahead. I can’t control you anyway. That’s right you can’t. So there. (My brain can be a brat to itself.)
- Wonder what I will die from? I’m very healthy for my age. Except for hurting all over more than anywhere else all the time. Is this our new normal? I could work out, but it’s cold and rainy. But the gym is warm. But I don’t have time before my screenwriter’s group, where they will ask how much I’ve gotten written. See, I told you to work on that instead instead of this stream of consciousness BS. Hey it’s not BS. Good story material could come from this.
- Where the hell did the summer go? I know we aren’t supposed to resist what is, but embrace each part of life and experience, but I DON’T LIKE WINTER. Okay, I know it’s only Fall and cold and rainy is unusual for Texas. Except we Texans brag about our changeable weather. But we bitch about it, too. You would think Texans don’t know it’s supposed to be hot in the summer ( although 100 and silly is unnecessary), and we sure don’t think it should be cold in the winter. But for frickin sure it ain’t supposed to be cold in the fall. (My brain is more lax with vocabulary and grammar than I am. Unless two parts of my brain start arguing about that too)
- Why is dating so hard? A lot of us on Medium write about it, so I guess it’s normal for it to be hard. But is it normal to date a guy for five months who never lets you come to his house? And then to keep hoping “something” will develop even when he doesn’t come back for nine months and he lives an hour and a half away because he only has “summer tires” on his car. Damn that makes me sound desperate, and I’m not. I’m just stubborn. But let’s not talk about me, let’s talk about guys. Is it normal to ask a woman to come admire his new solar panels on a first date? I’m pretty sure that’s the new form of asking If you want to come up and see his etchings, or his aquarium, or his collection of miniatures. Except collecting miniatures is pretty new and incredibly nerdy. It makes solar panels not sound so bad. Or for a guy to talk entirely about himself for two hours and then decide there is no romantic connection? Ya think, dude? Or for another guy to talk very intelligently about a variety of cool or important subjects, and then think I’ll jump right into bed with him even though he made it clear he wants no commitment and in fact wants two women who want each other and him but no other men? (My brain doesn’t use commas as much as I do).
- Why am I even dating? Because if I don’t I’ll forget how amazing a soul and sexual connection is. And I’ll berate myself for letting the guy who was my best friend get away and who is now dead. HEY, you said this would be funny. I did not. I always try to be funny, but this brain has a mind of its own. By the way, what about that Facebook meme we saw today that says dark humor is a sign of dementia? I think we’re screwed. So maybe it really is time to write that screenplay before dementia sets in. I wonder what rabbit holes we will go down then? And will we even care about getting screenplays written or cleaning house or helping the grown son get a job? Hmmm. Maybe it’s not so bad. But, seriously, Ms. dark humor, get that damn screenplay written. You can be the Grandma Moses of movies. As long as you don’t get dementia. So no more dark humor. From now on it’s all rainbows and lollipops. Except the screenplay is about dating at a certain age. What will we do about the dark humor of going out with a guy who has had a recent heart attack who orders fried catfish and fries? That’s pretty dark humor material right there. And that’s just the beginning of the crazy, not anywhere near the icing on the cake.
- Okay. It really is time to go to screenwriters’ group. Maybe I can tell them this was a trial run for some of the scenes in the movie. Will they buy that? Some will. Nick will look askance and throw some dark humor at me. Maybe when our dark humor makes us forget each other we can have a relationship like the Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler movie “50 First Dates.” Only neither of us will remember the other, so it will REALLY be like 50 first dates. At least then I can get off these damned dating sites. If I remember to.