Getting Your Adult Child To Move Out

You got this.

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Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash
  1. Be up reading in the living room when he/she comes home at 2:00 in the morning with a hook-up from the club. Introduce yourself as “the Mom,” and ask if they need anything.
  2. Rent their room out as an AirBnB while they’re away for the weekend. Leave the lockbox on their door for when they return.
  3. Tell them you’re writing about them on your blog.
  4. Write about them on your blog.
  5. Tell them, “It’s ok, sweetheart. You can live here as long as you want. I know you’ll let me move in with you, and take care of me financially when I’m older. Be sure to buy a house with a mother-in-law layout design. I’m sure you can afford one soon, with all the money you’re saving now on rent.”
  6. Bring home more pets, the more annoying the better, to augment the elderly dog who makes disgusting noises. Ask adult child to pet sit regularly while you travel.
  7. Borrow money from them.
  8. Make lots of noise banging around in the kitchen, the morning after they have you pick them up at 2:00 a.m. because they had too much to drink. Accompany the banging with other noises of your choice such as, talking loudly to yourself or the pets, playing music they hate, and asking them unnecessary questions through their door.
  9. Have one of their friends see you naked. Accidentally, of course.

Psychotherapist, Hypnotherapist. Leans Left. Mindfulness practioner before it was cool. M.Ed., LPC. Carolsantafe93@gmail.com.

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