Actually, sometimes we do put up with some of it, when narcissistic men catch us at a vulnerable time. Fortunately for me, I don’t put up with abuse. But I have made excuses for elusive or emotionally unavailable men, because I’m busy and they are convenient to a degree, or, when I’m vulnerable, because they remind me of the emotionally unavailable father. In your situation, meeting them online and them knowing you are in an open relationship, makes them believe they have access to do what they will. Your best defense is to not judge them based on your wonderful husband. Most men online aren’t like Mr. Austin.