Now we just have to get his car out of impound in L.A. — I have a tattoo on my arm that says, “I told Blake.” It is a not-so-subtle way to say to my son, “I told you so,” 24/7, without having to actually say it. I don’t get to say it out loud to him often, now that he’s 6'5" with long…

And it’s AI, so I can’t kill it — “Good MORNING!! Welcome to H.E.B. Pharmacy!” I expect my Artificial Intelligence voices to be robotic, not animated. Especially first thing in the morning. Most especially if I’m sick. It’s one thing when I’m calling in a regular refill. Even then, I have to crank down the volume on my phone…

If you just can’t stop yourself — You can do it on the plane You can do it on the train You can do it in an airport You can do it in a carport You can do it in a car You can do it in a bar You can do it in a coffee shop …

Don’t get too excited, I’m not much of a dominatrix. More the opposite — I was going to write this from a dominatrix POV, until I realized begging and pleading for you to submit to New Choices is not exactly Dom behavior. I’m not even positive I want oodles (would a Dom use that word? I think not) of submissions, as currently my other…

Writing comes to mind, but only after a dozen other things — Drive for three-and-half hours and arrive first to the hotel. He’s working in the next city and will join as soon as he’s done. What to do until then? Go for a margarita at the restaurant next door. He calls to say the job he’s on is taking longer than…

I’ll tell you when I’m too old to have computer access — The gremlins in cyber space security tell me I’ve been “breached.” Breached without even a kiss first. Where was I breached, you ask? Right in the AOL, that’s where! Right where it hurts. No kiss, no lube. Yeah, yeah, I hear you left-brain, cutting edge Gen Xers — you know…

All the humor from Carol Lennox that’s fit… —

It took me all that time to figure it out — My son and I were traveling from Texas to Philadelphia to take him to see his father. I’d printed out tickets, and headed to check our bags and get our boarding passes at the ticket counter. All went well until we reached the security check. As I showed my I.D…

Bang shang-a-lang — The pounding starts while I’m home alone reading, around 10:30 p.m. I’ve heard it once before, a few months ago. I was the only one who could hear it then. What if I’m the only one who can hear it now? I text my neighbor to ask if she’s okay…